Once again my Daily Om email gave me some valuable insight and the perfect food for thought at just the right time…

December 11, 2008

Fully Committed to Now

Why We Are Not Shown the Big Picture

Sometimes, we may find ourselves wishing we knew what our lives are going to look like or what gifts and challenges are going to be presented to us in the coming months or years. We may want to know if the relationship we’re in now will go the distance or if our goals will be realized. Perhaps we feel like we need help making a decision and we want to know which choice will work out best. We may consult psychics, tarot cards, our dreams, and many other sources in the hopes of finding out what the future holds. Usually, at most, we may catch glimpses. And even though we think we would like to know the whole story in all its details, the truth is that we would probably be overwhelmed and exhausted if we knew everything that is going to happen to us.

Just think of your life as you’ve lived it up to this point. If you are like most of us, you have probably done more and faced more than you could have ever imagined. If someone had told you as a child of all the jobs and relationships you would experience, along with each one’s inherent ups and downs, you would have become overwhelmed. With your head full of information about the future, you would have had a very hard time experiencing your life in the present moment, which is where everything actually happens.

In many ways, not knowing what the future has in store brings out in us the qualities we need to grow. For example, it would have been difficult to commit yourself to certain people or projects if you knew they wouldn’t ultimately work out. Yet, it was through your commitment to see them through that you experienced the lessons you needed to grow. Looking back on your life, you would likely be hard pressed to say that anything in your past should not have happened. In fact, your most challenging experiences with their inevitable lessons may have ultimately brought you the greatest rewards. Not knowing the future keeps us just where we need to be-fully committed and in the present moment.

With everything between Kelly and I happening so quickly, I’ve often felt caught up in a whirlwind of activity. There are lots of things to be done, taken care of, transferred, changed, and cancelled. I actually haven’t had a ton of time to think about what the future holds. And I think that is why I’m able to get through all of this without totally falling apart.

I even told Joan and Jen this past weekend, “With the whole moving process slowing down, the realness of the situation is having time to catch up.” But I think it’s always been one of my strengths to be able to stay calm during a crisis and to be able to calm others as well. This is probably what led me to counseling survivors of trauma and abuse. But I’m getting off track.

The Daily Om reminded me that every time I look back on my life, I am overwhelmed with everything I’ve overcome and survived. And with each hurdle, I realize that, without the growth and strength I gained from the previous hurdle, I may not have been strong enough. It reminded me that things fall in to place as they are supposed to.

And I know for a fact that if I knew what was around every corner, I’d never take a step. I do tend to get overwhelmed easily (thus the anxiety disorder and panic attacks). I do want to take a quick second here to thank my friend who helped me head off a panic attack the other day. My mind gets hyper-focused on the anxiety producing stimulus and everything that could go wrong. Usually all I need is to distract myself and it kind of depends on how deeply I’m in the whole process if I’m able to do that myself or if I need external help. Again, learning to ask for that help has been a struggle for me but doing it has helped me make great strides in heading off the attacks.

But again I’m getting off track. I think if I were faced right now with staring at the future and the vast changes it entails, I would be overwhelmed not only at the copious changes but the certain struggles I will face as a result of those changes. And that would probably make me want to curl up under my blanket and never emerge. But by handling it task by task, day by day, moment by moment, it all seems manageable. It is manageable. Not easy. Manageable.

But I do consider myself lucky, at least in this instance, to have experienced enough so far in my life that I know there is good to come from it. So I start seeking the good early on, the lessons to be learned, the growth to be had. And with all of the craziness in the past few months, I think I’ve already found a HUGE benefit of everything that happened.

Once I get my theory confirmed, I will post it here. Until then, my “To-Do” list continues to stare at me and the tasks that keep me focused on the present await me.