December 21, 2008
Emotionally Reactive
Sagittarius Daily Horoscope

Strong emotional needs may be drawing all of your energy into obsession today. You may find yourself making important decisions as a reaction to this emotional pull. This may give you a sense of tunnel vision in which you are unable to see what is going on around you. Without this awareness to balance you, you may not be acting from your highest wisdom. Before you make any decisions, take the time to go within. Breathe deeply to center yourself on the peace within you rather than on the obsession that had all of your focus. As you realign your intuition with the universe’s flow, you can access the wisdom available to you and examine it with your heart. Once this balance is achieved, you can feel more secure about making important decisions because they will come from the highest part of your being today.

Focus is important to achieving our goals, as is passion. Without balance, however, it can be tempting to lose ourselves in obsession. When we do this, all other aspects of our lives suffer. If we get too far out of balance, our lives may spin out of control to a place where we need to begin from the foundation once again and rebuild our lives piece by piece. So if you’ve been working too hard, take some time off. If you’ve been doing sedentary work, move your body. If you’ve been spending all of your time looking outward, turn within. By restoring balance today, you ensure a long and fruitful journey.

 

This should be my horoscope everyday. How easy it is for me to lose myself in obsession. The first time I heard that idea I was offended – “You have too much time on your hands,” “You obsess.” But the more I thought about it, the more it rang true. I’ve always been someone who thinks “too much” and do tend to overanalyze situations – which is, in part, what makes me a good therapist. But in day to day living, it’s not so helpful. I make mountains out of molehills and get tunnel vision on my obsession losing track of what else is important. Not a good combination in all honesty.

 

And I cant help but think that this stupid anxiety disorder has fed into a trait that has always been there. What do you do when you cant leave the house? Well, clean the house, watch tv (but as of late that option has been blown by piss poor shows), and think. Too much. Obsess. Talking to people would be an option if they weren’t all working. But I dont want to imply that the responsibility doesnt lie within me. It does. So this is yet another thing to go on my list of things to work on (which is reaching War and Peace thickness at this point) to be the person I believe I am meant to be, the person I have the potential to be, the person who I am.

 

“We cannot become the person we need to be remaining what we are.” – Max Dupree

 

I do believe that this horoscope applies to me today and everyday. Today, however, in particular it strikes a chord that resounds within me. It mentions “If you’ve been spending all of your time looking outward, turn within.”

 

Well, I’ve been spending a lot of time looking inward, holding myself accountable for the wrongs I’ve done to the people about whom I care and subsequently the wrongs done to people I’ve never even met. I’ve been allowing myself to carry a lot of guilt and shame. But to regain my balance, I think it’s time to share that guilt and shame with the others responsible. No, I’m not in any way plotting revenge or considering getting even. I dont even have an inkling of desire to confront anyone involved. What I’m hoping I can learn to do is stop looking inward so much. Stop adding to my list of improvements for a while. Basically admit to myself that i was not the only one wrong in these past few months and years and stop beating myself into sickness because of it.

I’m a firm believer that in order to let anger go, you dont necessarily have to “give it to” someone.  Say Joe is mad at Amy. Joe doesnt have to say hurtful things to Amy so that she knows he’s angry. Don’t get me wrong. Joe needs to get it out. And anyway he can do that (within my two anger expressing rules) is fine. But that’s when real growth can happen. Joe gets his anger out (maybe by working out longer and more vigorously at the gym, maybe going to the batting cages and imaging Amy’s face on the balls – hey as long as he doesnt hit her with the bat, it’s still a healthy thing to do, maybe he pounds the hell out of nail with a hammer on a birdhouse he’s making for charity, point being – who cares how). Then after that has passed, he can calmly talk to Amy about what upset him. This doesn’t mean that he wont get mad again but the initial force of the anger will have passed and is less likely to resurface. Wow – what a tangent… At any rate, he doesn’t have to give his anger to Amy; he just has to get it out of him.

And that’s what I’m hoping to do. So far I’m not angry, just ashamed and melancholy. And I dont wish that on anyone in my life or those who have chosen to leave my life. I just dont want to carry it around forever. So I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not wanting to turn what’s inward outward on anyone but rather turn what I’ve been examining inwardly outward and just let it go.

 

That makes total sense in my head but have no idea if it kept its concept as it journeyed down to my fingertips.

 

So this blog feels random. And it is. Hope you enjoyed it.

 

One of my favorite quotes ever:
“If the cask is to hold wine, its water must first be poured out.” – Meister Eckhart