To The Chase bank located at the intersection by my mother’s house:

Here is how you have insured that I will never become a Chase banking customer.

On Wednesday, when I chose your bank to cash a check by a client which I’d been given, I chose the drive-thru banking. I was asked if I was aware of the fee for not having an account with the bank but still cashing a check with them. I expressed I was not aware of the fee but was not surprised and to please carry on with the transaction, fee and all. A nice smile came from the same lips that told me that she’d be happy to do so. The process was quick and painless and really got me thinking about changing banks. No, really. It did.

Today, however, I returned to your bank and was displeased to say the least, the very least. I had already taken in to account that it was the first Friday of the month and that it was 4 pm. This is why I was not disturbed or disheartened by the fact that I sat for at least 20 minutes in the drive-thru banking line to again cash a check.

What disturbed me was that after all the others who had arrived after I sent my little tube up your little chute had been served before me that I was then told that customers without accounts with Chase bank must come inside. I said, “But I…” before I was cut-off and told to go inside the bank. No more voice. No smile at all. I wrote this off. Again, the last Friday of the month, blah, blah, blah, and your attendant was clearly busy. So I drove around, parked and entered the bank.

No, Mr. Chase Bank, what I saw was unforgivable. Oddly I didn’t know it at the time. Two women sat behind a large (mahogany, was it?) desk to direct people to whom they needed to speak. I knew, however, from the first moment that my place was at the end of the line that wrapped around itself several times.

I then see why the young lady handling the drive thru teller position was so terse. She is the only one working the drive thru teller position. And there are two tellers in position behind their little windows. Surely, you had anticipated higher traffic on the last Friday of the month (blah, blah, blah). I did and I’m merely a non-account holder.

I take my place in line. And I wait. A mere 15 minutes passes before one of the ladies sitting behind the mahogany desk sighs and goes back to assist the tellers. Do you mean to tell me that there was someone else available who just wasn’t helping? How much time have I wasted at this point?

Yet another teller comes out of the woodworks (mahogany, was it?) and suddenly the line is thinning. At least the line in front of me. Still it takes another 25 minutes for me to make it through this line to get to my teller who looks as though his day has been as painful as my wait so I opt not to unburden my woes to him. He’s tired and basically he looks like he wouldn’t give a shit anyway.

He takes his time. Correction: he takes my time to tape some tears on the top of the check. And a lot of other trivial things. He asks: “Would you like that in twenties?”

NOTE: the check being cashed was written for $75. There is a $5 fee for not being an accountholder (plus the punishment of having to spend an hour to cash a check). The remaining amount to be given to me would be $70, right? Is that divisible by $20? Hmmm…not evenly.

My response is: “Yes and there’s a ten in there too. I’d like that as well.” He looks at me questioningly, almost as though he doesn’t believe me then he smiles and grabs a ten dollar bill and sticks it on top. So then he goes to count it out for me and drops one of the bills on the floor. It feels like forever that it takes him to retrieve it.

Again, I can see he is tired. It’s the end of a holiday week and there must be clearly a lot of work happening here. So when he finally comes back up and says: “It’s a long way down at the end of a day like today,” I opt again to try to be a light in his day (rather than some bitch in his blog). I reply, “I’m sure it’s a long drop any day of the week in this job.” I smile and wink at him. He finally smiles a genuine smile and wishes me a good day. I do the same and go on my no longer merry way.

This is merely the background, Mr. Chase Bank of why you will never have me as a customer. You see, I understand the concept of making drive thru banking a privilege for customers who hold accounts. I think it’s a great concept. I’m not so fond of the punishment of non-account holders but I could’ve gotten over that. What keeps hanging me up, Mr. Bank, is consistency. If on Wednesday I could cash the check from the comfort of my car, then Friday should be no different.

Additionally, I realize that the ONE teller working the drive thru area shouldn’t be expected to transact the business that comes to her via little chutes AND identify fairness or order. If someone isn’t helping her, though, they either should be or they should be letting her know in which order to address the cars by how long they’ve been sitting there. And I choose not to believe, Mr. Bank, that it was deliberate on anyone’s end to serve everyone before taking the 5 seconds required to tell me to get my ass in the bank or no money, but I do know that my tube it the chute before everyone else’s (yes, I pay attention to these things – what else do I have to do while I wait in my car when I actually should be standing to wait in line inside) and was the last one to be addressed.

I am looking for a new bank, Mr. Chase Bank at the intersection by my mother’s house. On Wednesday, you were a top contender because the behavior shown to me was that I was “good” and you would like to have me as a customer. Friday, however, I got another message. I got the message that because I do not currently have an account with you, I must be “bad” and therefore punished.

I’m done explaining now. I hope you consider re-examining your policies. But I’m sure this will merely be filed away in a desk (mahogany, is it?) never to be thought of again.

Sincerely,

Melissa Welsh

P.S. – One of my biggest pet peeves is your chosen spelling of “Drive Thru Banking” yet I have used it consistently throughout my note for the sake of less confusion. I know you are a bank and deal primarily with numbers but come on. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten basic spelling. THROUGH. “It’s faster, easier, and everyone understands what we mean” I can hear you whining. When I bring a check in to you to cash and in the amount line you see written “Atey dollars” just remember it’s faster, easier and you know what I mean.