I stopped by the drug store tonight to pick up some Valentine’s Day gifts for my sweetie, even though we had agreed not to exchange gifts with the wedding being so close. The Valentine aisle was ransacked. Half empty shelves with the picked over remains. At one point another fellow chump looked at me and said, “Last minute shopping sucks.”

I agreed. With my hands full, I made my way to the one cashier. I took my place at the end of the line and waited as the people in front of me laid their goods on the counter then swiped their cards and left.

Then it was time for the young boy in front of me to check out. The cashier scanned his one item – cough drops. He ran a card through but it didn’t take so the cashier leaned over and started pushing the buttons for him. I’m trying to convince myself that she was actually trying to help this boy rather than just being impatient.

Then she says, “It’s not taking the card. Does the card have cash on it or is it for food stamps?” He nodded at the latter. He never spoke. The cashier then told him that food stamps dont cover cough drops. He nodded and walked out of the front door.

As I was putting the things in my arms down on the counter, I was realizing how needless these things were. I kept thinking about how hard it must be to just need some cough drops but not be able to get them. And I thought I should have the cashier add those cough drops to my pile of stuff. But then the Missy kicks in.

What if he’s not out there by the time I get done checking out.

What if he is offended by my offer.

What if he thinks it’s a racist act (white woman stepping in to rescue the poor, black boy).

Back to what if he isn’t out there.

Then it was too late. I was already swiping my card and paying for my stuff. I took my bags and sat in my car for a minute. I casually looked around but had a difficult time because of the truck that had pulled in (a little too close) to the spot next to me.

That’s when I saw the kid heading back in to the store. I got out of the car and went back in and stood at the back of the line. I kept thinking, “I just want to make sure he gets what he needs. If he does, then I will just head out. If not, I will just buy the cough drops and give them to him.”

That’s when I saw the woman who was now with the boy. They were gathering the little plastic bag and leaving the store.

I felt such a sense of relief.

But why did I have to question myself? Why couldn’t I just trust my instinct? What was I so afraid of?

These are my questions that shadow me all the time. Maybe someday I will figure them out.

Or maybe I will just buy the damn bag of cough drops.