I’ve started this blog a dozen times. I’ve spurred off 4 different blogs from my original thought. I still can’t put together everything swirling in my head. I am trapped in a whirlpool of memories, regrets, heart-crushing realizations, and crippling emotions.
So this started about anniversaries. Today is a particularly devastating anniversary. And next year it will be a different but still painful anniversary.
So I tried to do this positive spin on anniversaries of painful events and this is how I started out:
Today I am looking back on events that happened a year ago that changed my life. And yesterday I got news that I will undoubtedly look at a year from now and have the same feeling. Since both my current and future anniversary do not evoke anything positive, I started thinking about the word and the meaning and decided to dive into that shallow pool in hopes of not drowning in the emotion of it all.
However, I find myself caught in the current and gasping for air.
So naturally I turned to the handy dandy internet to supply the silver lining that is eluding me from the murky depths. Here is what I would have liked to have been able to shared this evening.
This question was posed on a blog:
Often times I have heard people mention that we are more likely to remember a circumstance in our life when it has had a negative impact on us rather than if it had a positive one, and frankly I think that statement is quite accurate. Year after year, just as we glorify and celebrate birthdays and regular wedding anniversaries, I as well as many other people in this world struggle with anniversaries that bring forth sadness and pain. These types of anniversaries can be caused by losses of family members, personal tragedies, etc. Do any of you deal with similar struggles? How do you handle them?
The response from VRuiz conveys what I would have liked to have conveyed tonight.
You are not alone. I deal with the same struggle. I try to erase the bad anniversary dates… but they stick around no matter what. I think I am naturally programmed that way… most of us are. We were gifted with memories and whether they’re good or bad, we just have to find a way to deal with it. Every date that has something to do with something that is painful for me will probably never disappear and I’ve come to accept it as a blessing. It’s something that reminds me of how strong I’ve become and how much I’ve grown from those situations or from losing someone important to me. While it doesn’t get as easy as I would like, I just push mentally prepare for it and push through the day. I def give myself some time to be emotional but I keep myself busy to keep my mind on other things. The gym and hanging out with friends really help me– the whole social thing keeps me from locking myself in my room. I turn it all into a celebration of life.
I wish I was still the person that believed that. Maybe next year.
Musings by Missy 
My apologies for multiple publishings. Edits didn’t take. 😦
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