These past few weeks have been a whirlwind. There has been so much going on that I have barely had time to slow down to breathe.

Beauty and sadness and love and ugliness and joy and love and anger and grief and so much love. Did I mention love? That’s my favorite.

A year passed since my friend Denice died and my heart feels the heaviness of her absence. It has since the day she left. People say it lessens with time but I don’t think so. I think we just don’t talk about it as much. But I grieve her and I miss her every single day.

And along the same lines, my mom is sick. Too sick to live where she was living and to be cared for by the caregivers that she could barely afford as it was. And with the added hospital bills, we couldn’t even afford those caregivers.

That has flung us into the Medicaid process. And by flung I mean sent via slingshot flailing and screaming into a maze of bureaucracy that makes no sense and has no compassion.

So…reeling it back in here. Let’s talk about love for a minute. I went to a wedding. Beth and I and the kids took a road trip up to Indiana to see Beth’s sister get married. It was not only my first introduction to her family but also to see where she came from and what she overcame. It was amazing and beautiful and overwhelming. I think I actually laid down to take a nap late one afternoon and didn’t wake up until the following morning. I do remember Beth coming in to make me take my meds and my boots off.

There was no shortage of love anywhere. Grandparents elated to hug the grandkids they haven’t seen in far too long. Brothers hugged sisters and made sweet gestures when they thought no one was looking. But I was looking. I was looking at everything, everyone, soaking it all in.

The wedding was beautiful. The bride was stunning and the groom looked like he had just seen the most beautiful woman in the world. And he had. The dress was, well, there are no words. Jessica was a gorgeous bride but of course she was; when you start with a gorgeous woman,…

We took a side trip so that I could experience some of the beauty of the seasons in Indiana. The foliage there was amazing and the landscapes were stunning. I am pretty sure that they were trying to sell me on moving up there.

We had some adventures in our travels to Indiana that we will laugh nervously about for years until we can successfully block them from our memories. 😉

It was a wonderful trip. The only thing that was rough was when it was when it was time to leave. There were tears all around and promises of calls when we got home safely. Then there were more tears.

Life hasn’t stopped happening in full force since we’ve been home. There’s been a lot going on at work, in my own therapy, with my mom’s living situation, the kids have been going through a lot emotionally, there have been a lot of medical issues coming up for Beth as well as her frustration with her job, and I have been having a lot of flashbacks from the abuse from previous relationships.

Things haven’t been perfect but the difference is the love. There is so much love. I’m surrounded by it and all I want to do is share mine with everyone that I care about. It’s so new for me. And I don’t always show it the right way or do the right things because healthy isn’t something I am all that familiar with. But I am super excited about getting used to it!